Hope
by waddiwasiwitch
Summary: Sequel to Chance. Spike turns up on Buffy's doorstep. Can Buffy & Spike sort things out? What will the Scoobies say? Spoilers Chosen, Not Fade Away & After the Fall
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy and as a result can get no monetary benefit from playing Joss. I promise faithfully to put them back after I am done. This is written for love and entertainment**

**Author's note: Spoilers up to Chosen and not Fade Away. Also spoilers for After the Fall. This follows on from Chance which you might want to read beforehand but it is not essential. Please read and review. Thanks**

_**Hope**_

The door bell rang in Buffy Summer's quiet apartment. The petite blonde girl jumped up off her chair and made her way to the front door. She pulled the door open and was met with a sight that she never believed that she would see again.

"Spike" she choked.

She blinked believing that it was nothing more than an illusion and that the vampire she saw before was not really there. However he was still there when she opened her eyes. He looked just as she had remembered him with the startling blue eyes and peroxide hair.

"Spike, are you real?" she asked, her voice trembling. He looked at her, his eyes filled with emotion.

"Yeah" he affirmed softly.

They stood there for a whole minute before she threw her arms around him. He pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

"How?" she sobbed.

"It's a long story, pet. One that might be best told inside away from prying eyes" Spike said quietly nodding pointedly at the glances that they were getting from passersby.

She nodded and stepped aside from the doorway to allow him access.

"Come in Spike" she said.

He took a deep breath. It was a habit of several lifetimes that he never quite could shake. He followed her inside looking about the room.

"Nice place you have got" he said trying to delay the inevitable questions that would follow. However instead of an answer he was met with a fist. His nose smashed under her blow.

"Nice right hook you've got!"

He gave her a sheepish grin that quickly wilted under her patented Buffy glare.

"This is familiar! You pounding on me for information." He said with a little asperity.

"Well you know how it goes then. So spill!" Buffy demanded. So he did.

Buffy sat quietly while Spike told her of his time in Wolfram and Hart, both as a ghost and vampire. Spike could see that she was fit to interupt but she held her tongue. He also told her about what he had been doing since the battle he had waged with Angel against the Senior Partners and his experiences in Hell and all that had happened since. He gave her all the facts but he did not answer the one question she wanted to know most of all. After all how could he tell why he stayed away when he did not really know himself.

*****************

Once he was finished Buffy finally exploded.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't stake you here and now!" she yelled.

"Because you missed me!" he whispered with a smirk.

She hit him with a well placed right hook.

"Ouch" he yelled, "why is it always the nose?".

She glared at him. His brash and arrogant swagger wilted under her glare.

"You missed me a little didn't you" he said tilting his head looking almost like a little lost puppy. Her anger evaporated a little.

"What's wrong with me? I totally have a right to be angry" she thought to herself. She balled her fists. He was as frustrating as ever.

"Yeah well greener pastures and all that! I obviously forgot how irritating and annoying you were."

He looked sheepish.

"I am sorry pet for what it's worth. If it means anything I really missed you and I was wrong to keep mum ."

"Huh! Keep whose mum?"

Spike rolled his eyes but when he spoke it was patiently.

"It means to keep quiet about something."

"Spike you didn't just keep quiet about this. You let me think you were dead all this time"

"I was dead"

She screamed and threw a dishcloth at him.

"You don't get to joke your way out of this one you bastard. It is not a laughing matter. Do I matter in the slightest to you anymore?"

"Buffy, I" he began but he was quickly interrupted.

"No you don't get to talk. For once in your life, uh unlife, you will listen and shut up!"

He nodded in acquiescence.

"I would have expected this from Angel but never from you. You always came back no matter what. There was no getting rid of you whether I wanted to or not! Then after everything that happened and everything between us you do this."

That stung him. Comparing him to his grandsire was always a sore point. He had resolved to remain calm. After all he was in the wrong but the woman always riled him up.

"I came in the end just took a detour is all!" he said defensively.

She glared at him. He could see that she was getting steadily angrier.

"I mourned your sorry ass while you were taking a "detour" with your grandsire whom you apparently hate." She roared

He could see the pain behind her anger and he felt incredibly guilty. However he fought the rising emotion within in and embraced his own anger instead.

"And while you were mourning me you were also throwing yourself into the arms of the Immortal" he snapped angrily.

She flinched. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he wanted to take them back. She was radiating anger and hurt.

"Buffy, love, I'm sorry!"

"What part exactly?" she asked coldly. He walked towards her and she turned her face away. He gently turned her to face him.

"For everything" he said looking into her eyes trying to convey to her the sincerity in his statement. She stepped back from him and he wondered again for the hundredth time that night whether he had done the right thing in coming back to her. He really needed a cigarette but the mood that the Slayer was in he knew it was not a good idea. He had done enough baiting tonight. He settled for pacing instead.

"Oh Buffy, why do we always do this?" he said exasperated and gesturing frantically when the silence got too unbearable. He could see the tears in her eyes and he hated being the cause of them. She rubbed her eyes.

"There was a time when we could have had a civilised conversation" she said in a dead voice.

He raised his eyebrow sardonically.

"Oh my bad. I forgot who I was talking about! I should have said almost" she said with a half smile.

The ache in his chest lessened a little. If she was feeling up to banter then maybe there was a way they could both could end this day without ripping each other to pieces.

"I missed that. I missed you" he said softly.

"Hold me, Spike!" she said softly and he duly obliged. She basked in his presence his smell. He was there, really there. She pulled away slightly and brushed her hand on his face. He watched her with a mixture of wonder and adoration.

"Stupid dumb vampire!" she said affectionately. He smiled, really smiled.

"Bossy bint!" he retorted but in an equally loving tone. They did not know what the future held just basked in the moment. The time for recrimination was over for now. Those serious conversations could wait for another day. For now it was enough to just be there with one another. They looked at each other and laughed. For the first time in a long time Spike could feel that flicker of hope that he had thought was long since quenched.

To be continued...

**Endnote: Hope you enjoyed this. This is only going to be a short fic concentrating about how Spike's return would impact on the life Buffy has now and also the reaction of the other Scoobies to his return. I may have to change the name at a later stage as I am not fully happy with it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTVS. I wish I did because then there would be more Spuffy. I do own this fic and any mistakes are completely my own.**

**Author's note: Sorry this update has been long coming. I got writer's block and I am nowhere near happy with this but if I don't update now I never will. **

**CHAPTER TWO**

It was not long before the atmosphere between the vampire and the slayer became tense again. Buffy motioned for Spike to sit and she did the same but made sure that there was plenty space between them. An uncomfortable silence stretched out between them.

"So how is the bit?" Spike enquired and Buffy gladly latched onto the topic.

Spike smiled as Buffy listed Dawn's achievements. The Nibblet had grown up and he had missed it all. Would she even want to see him again? She had once told him that if he hurt Buffy again that she would set him on fire while he slept. Unfortunatly the truth was he had hurt Buffy again because he was selfish and a coward. The warring emotions must have shown on his face because Buffy put her hand on his arm.

"She missed you too."

"Did she really?" he asked in a hollow voice.

"Yes you prat. She was very upset when she thought that she never got a chance to settle things between you. She will be thrilled to see you."

She smiled reassuring him.

"Buffy I.."

Buffy sighed.

"Can we not for now?" Buffy asked desperately and Spike nodded not a little relieved as well. Buffy was too tired to get into any further meaningful discussions. She was still angry but she decided she wanted to bask for a little while in his nearness. He wasn't gone after all and she did not know if she could ever forgive him for the last year. She could beat on him another day and tomorrow was another day. For now they could just be two old friends that found each other again. They were never good at the talking part after all. Suddenly the front door swung open and the sounds of an ungainly gait filled the room. Dawn Summers burst into the room.

"Hi Dawn" Spike said softly catching her attention.

Dawn looked up in surprise. Her expression quickly turned to suspicion and she turned to her sister.

"Buffy, is that the First because it sure as hell can't be who it looks like?" she exclaimed.

"Yep Dawnie, the one and the only" Buffy quipped.

Dawn's gaze turned back to the vampire. Her eyes were wide with shock and her mouth was open wide in surprise at the familiar face before her. It was a face that she never believed that she would see again. There were not a lot of things that silenced Dawn Summers but this was one of them.

"Spike" she gasped eventually. She looked like a little girl again.

"Dawn" Spike said smiling affectionately.

"Huh, here you are not quite as dusty as we thought"

She was torn between jumping into his arms and shaking his hand. There had been a time when he had been her best friend but when he started his illicit affair with Buffy after she returned from heaven they were no longer as close. So many things had happened during that last year in Sunnydale. Harsh words have been said. Spike eventually put out his hand as if to shake hers but Dawn threw her arms around him instead.

"I am glad you are back. We really missed you."

Spike breathed a sigh of relief as Dawn burst into noisy tears of joy. Buffy watched the scene with watery eyes.

"Buffy what did you do?" Dawn asked.

"I did not do anything." Buffy said indignantly "he just turned up on the doorstep a hour ago".

Buffy had to excuse herself for a little while. The emotion was getting to her and she needed to be alone and collect her thoughts.

"Spike I do not have any blood in the kitchen but I can offer you almost anything else" she said standing up.

"Hot chocolate" Dawn and Spike said in unison.

She smiled tightly.

"I guess that is three hot chocolates so then."

She went into the kitchen and left Spike and Dawn alone.

"I don't think I will be ever able to forgive or forget what you tried to do but when I thought you were gone forever all I wanted was to let you know that I missed my friend and that I wanted him back while I was stuck in that house."

"You were perfectly right you know. I never expected forgiveness. Got more than I deserved I daresay."

"So spill. How did you come back?" Dawn asked eagerly.

"Remember that big bauble courtesy of the grand poof. Well it trapped my essence and spat me out in Peaches' office. Turns out he got it courtesy of Wolfram and Hart."

"You are back a while then." she said accusingly, "how long Spike?" Her gaze hardened and Spike gulped.

"The better part of a year" he admitted

"What!" she yelled.

"It's a long story. It starts with being stuck as a real live Casper and being unable to leave the office."

"You look pretty solid to me." she said raising her brows.

"When I got a proper body back I was all ready to come but then I didn't know what to say."

You really hurt her Spike."

"I know."

"No you don't. You were not there"

Spike grimaced. It was only proper that he felt like crap but it didn't make it any easier.

"Do you still love her?" Dawn asked.

"I never stopped" he said.

"Then how, Spike? Then how could you stay away?"

"At first I couldn't but later when I was able I found I didn't know how to and then the longer it went on the more difficult it became. I needed to see who I could be without Buffy or a chip as my conscience"

"And did it work? Do you know who you are now?"

"The name's Spike." He said playfully trying to dodge the question.

Dawn knew he was avoiding the question. She raised her eyebrows. Spike raised his hands as if in surrender.

"I know it was the wrong decision, just another wrong decision in a long line of them. The thing is I missed my girls but I convinced myself it was for the best. I figured the Grandsire was right and that my girls deserved some sweetness and light where I am all bitterness and dark."

"And don't forget the fear that Buffy was going to stake your ass for hiding." Dawn pointed out.

"I was not hiding but essentially yeah" he admitted grudgingly.

"You know for someone who's been around for more than a century you are a real dumb ass."

"I know but it is part of my charm."

Spike suspected that Buffy had just needed to get away as she had been quite a while in the kitchen. Sure enough he soon heard the quiet sobs of the Slayer and his heart constricted painfully. It was only Spike's vampire hearing that allowed him to hear Buffy's crying so Dawn was still unaware that her sister was sobbing her heart out in the kitchen.

"Dawn, I think you better go to your sister"

Dawn looked at him quizzically.

"She's crying pet and seeing as I am probably the reason you should probably be the one who comforts her."

Dawn nodded.

"Maybe I should go and come back tomorrow" Spike said quietly getting up.

"Don't you dare. It's that running away that got her into this mess in the first place. No you will sit there and squirm with guilt" Dawn said pointed back at the chair he had vacated.

He could see Dawn was furious and brooked no argument and he sat back down. Dawn went into the kitchen. Spike was right. Buffy was a mess and sobbing her heart out on the floor of the kitchen. Her back was up against the cupboard and her eyes were red.

"Oh Buffy!" Dawn said and wrapped her arms around her shaking sister.

"Did Spike send you in?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah" she replied.

"Is he......?" Buffy asked suddenly alert.

"No not yet but I will tell him to go if you want me to."

"Not yet." Buffy said quickly getting up dabbing her eyes. She had to face him. Things were complicated as always with him. She was delighted he was back yet she was furious that he had concealed his return from her. Anger and joy were warring within her for dominance. One minute she was furious and the next she was elated. Above all she was tired. The two sisters returned to the concerned vampire.

"Buffy, are you alright?" he asked.

"What do you want, Spike? Why are you really here?" Buffy asked in a tired voice.

"Why do you think, luv? I love you. But I am willing to settle for being friends"

"Ha that is funny coming from you and not only because I meant so much to you that you never bothered to tell me you were undead and kicking and with Angel of all people. Remember what you once said to me and Angel?"

Spike remembered well. "You will never be friends" he had told them.  
Spike's stomach roiled with the reminder of her past relationship with his grandsire. No matter how long he had known of their relationship it still bothered him and caused a bout of envy and the feeling that he would always be second best to Angel. Buffy was starting to realise that maybe the suggestion that Spike leave was not such a bad one after all. She could see the hurt in his eyes and she hated to see that but she was perfectly right to be angry.

"I am sorry Spike. I am just confused and emotional. Maybe I just need some space to think. Could you go for a while but not far please. I do not want you to disappear again I just need some time alone. Take Dawnie with you. Have a proper catch up."

Spike bowed his head in acquisence. He knew he was losing the battle. In fact he probably already had the moment he had decided to keep his reappearance a secret. Dawn grabbed his arm and squeezed it.

"So looks like I get to be your babysitter this time" Dawn whispered and winked.

Spike smirked despite himself and took one last look back at Buffy. He headed out the door and onto the street.

"Spike" Buffy called at his retreating back and he turned around.

"Promise you will come back again at dusk?"

"Don't worry, I am not running away, pet".

"Good" she said smiling.

To be continued.....

**Thank you for reading. Please review. Constructive criticism would be appreciated.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTVS. I simply borrow them and take him for a stroll.**

**Author's note: Sorry I took so long to update but this chapter was very hard to write. Not only was it hard to write but I also have been incredibly busy the last two weeks. I hope to be better next time. I promised myself I would not beg for reviews but here I go. Please, please review. Constructive criticism is welcome. This is the first time I have done a proper story and although it will have just maybe two chapters after this, I would appreciate some guidance as to where I could do better. Thank you to those who favourited my story and I am pleased to see there are those who have requested story alerts so I can't be doing too bad a job.**

**Chapter Three**

Buffy walked back into her home watching the blob of white that was Spike's hair disappear into the distance. As surge of panic that he would not return gripped her and she could not help feeling a little bereft. It was so frustrating.

"Damn vampire" she muttered to herself. She could not get properly angry at the vampire because she would remember that not a few hours ago she was under the impression that he was nothing more than dust at the bottom of the Hellmouth. She was delighted that this was not the case but she simply could not understand why he felt the need to keep it from her. He claimed that he loved her but surely his were not the actions of a man in love. She decided that she needed to train and maybe vent some of her anger. She had her own training room but she usually liked to train with the Slayers but tomorrow she was going to call in sick. There was no way she would be able to concentrate and she feared she would not get a wink of sleep for the night. Buffy walked into the barely used training room and her eyes landed upon the punch bag. She briefly recalled a moment the last night she spent with Spike after she had returned from her surprise reunion with Angel, when the vampire had drawn a picture of Angel on the punch bag. She was tempted to take a leaf out of Spike's book and draw a picture of Spike and thump the punch bag off its chains. She quickly laughed the notion away and whaled on the punch bag. She thought of how Spike and Angel had been fighting side by side while she was in the dark. Buffy's punches quickly became harder in an attempt to vent her rising anger. How could they? Angel certainly would not have been encouraging Spike to see her. She expected the whole "for your own good" from Angel and even her friends but never from Spike.

"Stupid, selfish..."

The chain holding up the punch bag creaked ominously.

"..pain in the ass"

This time the punch bag came right off the chains and hit the wall the other side of the room.

Buffy sighed in defeat. This clearly was not helping. Perhaps a night's slayage might do the job.

"I am going to have me some vampires for dinner"

Meanwhile Spike and Dawn were walking down the street in silence. Dawn could tell that Spike was thinking hard. The fact that the vampire looked miserable was the only thing that kept Dawn from tearing into him. She could see that he clearly still loved Buffy.

"You have been spending too much time with Angel!" Dawn declared suddenly breaking the silence.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Spike snapped meeting her gaze for the first time since they started walking.

"Since when do you brood? I thought Angel was the one who had that down, patented and trademarked"

"Do not compare me to Captain Forehead. I do not brood."

"Could have fooled me! What's all this then?"

Dawn had a point but Spike was never going to admit it. So when she changed the subject he was relieved.

"So Spike, please tell me you checked into a motel and not a crypt" she asked.

"Don't worry I have a room somewhere. Are you hungry, Dawn? I can hear your stomach rumbling."

"Actually I am starving. I was going to order some pizza until I discovered a formerly incinerated vampire all undead and well in my sitting room. However I know a late night cafe that serves some mean wings."

Spike and Dawn walked into the cafe which was almost empty. The red haired waitress waved at Dawn. The waitress knew Dawn by sight and name as she was a regular. Dawn walked over to the red haired woman and smiled brightly.

"Hi Stacey, can we please have two portions of buffalo wings and one Coke please"

She looked Spike over from head to toe as he found a table and leaned over the counter to whisper in the ear of the dark haired teenager.

"Hey Dawn, you have got yourself a looker there." Stacey whispered conspiratorily in Dawn's ear.

"Settle down, Stace. You have got it wrong, he's a friend." Dawn laughed.

"More fool you then. He's hot. Do you think he would take my number?"

"Hey hands off! That is my sister's ex. You have met my sister and that "looker" is called Spike."

"You said ex, Dawn. That makes him fair game!" Stacey pointed out.

"They are.." Dawn trailed off searching for the right word.

Stacey looked curious but said nothing.

"They are complicated" Dawn said finally, "Besides Buffy is very possessive and you don't mess with her stuff."

Stacey gulped as she had seen Buffy knock a six foot bodybuilder into orbit one time.

"Don't worry, I get it!" Stacey said raising her hands in surrender.

The teenager headed back to the table to Spike, where he was smirking. Of course he heard the whole conversation. Vampire hearing how could she forget!

"Nice to know I still have it."

It was not long before their food was brought to the table by Stacey.

"Thanks, luv and keep the change" Spike said passing her enough to cover both his and Dawn's meals and a generous tip.

"You are such a flirt! Don't be encouraging her" Dawn scolded him punching him in the shoulder.

"Ok mum. What can I say? Some men have it and some men do not" Spike said preening.

She could not help but giggle. It was nice to see that gleam in his eye again even for moment. It had been missing all evening. Once the giggles subsided, both the vampire and girl lapsed into silence again. Their thoughts were both focused on the same person: Buffy. Suddenly Dawn could not bear the silence any longer.

"What was that back there Spike?" she asked curiously, "Even if you are wrong you usually still shoot your mouth off. It was like you had given up. You know she will forgive you despite the fact that you probably do not deserve it".

"She was crying and it was because of me" he said softly not able to meet her eyes.

That was not the full truth of it. It reminded him too much of the time he had left Buffy in shock and tears on the bathroom floor back in Sunnydale. There were some things that can never be wiped clean or forgiven.

On the way back from patrol Buffy passed by Xander's place and was surprised to see that his light was still on. She felt a jolt of affection for her male friend as she thought about how despite Xander's own dislike for Spike that he had been able to put that aside and convince the vampire of his stupidity. She rang the doorbell and a sleepy looking Xander answered the door. She threw her arms around a surprised looking Xander.

"Is this about a certain not so dead bleachboy?" he asked smiling.

He gestured for her to come in and closed the door behind him.

"Thanks Xan for giving Spike a talking to. He told me that for once he would grudgingly admit that you spoke some sense."

Xander looked bemused.

"I am glad Buff. How are you?"

"Mostly confused" she confessed.

"Please tell me you staked him?"

"You of all people know the answer to that! Probably would be easier if I could" Buffy laughed hollowly.

"Where is he now?" Xander asked.

"I asked him to give me some space and come back later" she answered.

Xander nodded and squeezed her hand.

"I think the Buffster is in the need of ice cream and being the great friend that I am I will oblige" Xander said bowing ironically.

"Yes sad Buffy and ice-cream are decidedly mixy" Buffy affirmed.

**To be continued...**

**Thank you for reading and I hope to be quicker in putting up the next chapter. I have just two more planned folks. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTVS or ATS! Things would have ended differently if that was the case. It seems that this fic is longer than I anticipated. Sorry that this part took so long to post but we are nearly there.**

**Chapter 4**

Buffy was feeling a lot more positive the following morning. She had spent the night at Xander's place and just as the morning sun was coming into view, Buffy arrived back at her home. She opened the door and was surprised to hear the sound of somebody rooting around. She took up a fighting stance and headed into the kitchen where she could hear a disturbance.

"Thank god for slayer stealth" she muttered. Buffy pulled open the door and came face to face with her shocked sister. Dawn screamed which was a major feat in itself considering she had a mouthful of pancake. When the sisters recovered from the shock, they burst into laughter.

"Trust you to make it sound like a herd of elephants in my kitchen!"

"Your kitchen? Ha! Have you ever made a proper meal in your life?"

"I can cook...sometimes. Beans and toast are my speciality and I always provide a great take out."

Dawn held her hands up in surrender. Suddenly Buffy remembered that she had sent Dawn away with Spike the previous night.

"Where's Spike?" Buffy asked hysterically suddenly fearing the vampire had taken off.

"He asked me to give you this" Dawn said reaching into her handbag and pulling out a letter confirming her fears.

Buffy was incensed.

"I knew it, that bastard"

"Buffy relax. He is back at his motel. He is not going anywhere. He will be here tonight at sunset as he promised. It is just that we got talking and I suggested that he write you. Well you two are never good at expressing what you feel to each other so maybe writing might help."

"I know we always end up fighting." Buffy sighed and grabbed the letter from Dawn. She did not make to open it though. Instead she just fingered the writing on the envelope. Dawn put her hand on her arm and patted it. Buffy looked up at her now taller baby sister.

"Will he really come, Dawnie? It is just that this feels so unreal."

"Read the letter, Buffy" Dawn smiled reassuringly, "It should set your mind at ease. I rang in to Slayer Central for you and told them you were not feeling well today and that you won't be in. Now I am heading back to Spike to right where I left him handcuffed to the bed."

Buffy momentarily was agog until she regained her senses. Dawn was in gales of laughter.

"Dawn!" she exclaimed.

"Well he is a hottie" the younger girl said with a grin, "but unfortunately he only has eyes for you! It is just as well then that he is like the idiotic big brother I never had".

"Did you really mean that?" Buffy asked surprised.

"Absolutely but do not tell him as his head is swollen enough already."

"Everybody won't be as happy as we are to see Spike is back." Buffy said thinking especially of Giles.

"No they won't but Buffy but it is none of their business. It does not matter what Spike or I or anybody else wants. The way you live is down to you. It is your life and only you can make those decisions."

"Oh Dawnie when did you get so grownup"

"You don't remember? That's funny because I distinctly remember you kicking the First Evil's ass at the time."

"Ha ha" Buffy said rolling her eyes and swatting Dawn's arm lightly.

After her sister left Buffy picked up the letter and tried to pluck up the courage to read it. She was not sure if she wanted to read it or not but eventually curiosity won out.

"_Dear Buffy,_

_I feel like a right ponce writing this but the Bit insisted it was a good idea. _

_The two us being the emotional people that we are, we always seem to end up tearing each other's hearts out when try to really talk. This is where the letter comes in. I really need to get this out without interruption. Buffy I love you. I thought about you every day. I have really missed you. That never changed. My feelings never changed but I did and I can see that you did too. For once it was not all about you. I wanted to give you a chance to really live and I guess I wanted to be my own man. I needed to be my own person. I needed to see if I could be the good man that you claimed I could be. _

_I have always been love's bitch and I have spent all my life following the whims of those that I loved. (I know what you thinking but I am not Captain Forehead's bitch!) I wanted to make my own way but I ended up trapped in a law firm of all things. I would not have imagined ending up fighting on the side of my grand sire but the way things worked out I ended up with obligations and responsibilities. I did what I thought was right._

_I know I hurt you and I regret that. No matter what I do it seems to end up with me hurting you. It is the last thing in the world that I want to do._

_Love,_

_Spike"_

When Buffy finished the letter she was left with a number of questions that only one person could answer. She would see him soon enough but she would not wait for him to come at sunset. She would go to him.

Later that night Spike was watching Manchester United getting beaten when there was a knock on the door. It was a welcome reprise from the torture that was the football game. He came face to face with the Slayer.

"Spike, grab your stuff and you are coming with me " she commanded.

Buffy was being bossy. He loved it when she was bossy. Sexy bint. He obediently put on his duster and followed the blonde out the door.

"So where to, luv?" he asked.

"I want to test a theory" she replied with a sly grin.

"What theory would that be then?" he asked now curious.

"We are going to go patrolling. See if your reflexes are still well reflexy and see what Angel taught you?"

Buffy had a mischievous grin on her face.

"My reflexes have not gone soft!" Spike began, "And hey there is nothing that Peaches could teach me!"

The moment he turned to look at Buffy, he knew he had been had. She laughed at his indignant expression.

"Race you to the cemetery" she challenged and sped out the door of the hotel. Spike shook his head in amusement and took after his slayer.

The night flew by. It was just like old times. They still fought seamlessly, knowing instinctively where the other was and anticipating each other's movements but there were not a lot of monsters to slay and so they spent a large part of the night just talking about the parts of each other's lives that they had missed out on as well as reminiscing about Sunnydale. Buffy did not mention the letter and Spike did not know whether to be relieved or worried. They were dancing around the elephant in the room once more. Buffy for her part was still digesting the letter. There were many questions that she wanted to ask him but she was reluctant to disturb this strained peace that existed between them at the moment. She just wanted to live in the moment and for the moment. Buffy could no longer justify staying out on patrol but she did not want this night to end. They had managed to go the whole night without bickering which was probably a record for them.

"I guess I had better go home. I have to work in the morning. Walk me."

Spike duly obliged. They were both quiet during the walk but it was a comfortable silence. However Spike never did like to silent for too long and as they arrived at their destination he broke it.

"Buffy.." he began.

Buffy interrupted him.

"Don't!" she said putting her finger to his lips.

He took her hand away. He held it though instead.

"Don't what, luv?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Don't open your big fat gob and break the spell!" she said wacking his arm with her free hand. She gently loosened her hand and they stood there smiling at each other looking like nervous teenagers.

"I think I could do with a drink. Do you want one?" Buffy asked.

"Never wanted one more" Spike replied but she had a sneaking suspicion that he was not talking about the drink.

While Buffy went to get them something to drink, Spike threw himself onto the couch. Buffy returned with two glasses of whiskey. Spike was surprised at her choice of drink considering Buffy had a reputation for being a lightweight when it came to alcohol. He gave her a quizzical look.

"What?" she asked defensively taking a little sip from her glass. As he watched her out of the corner of his eye he smiled at the face she made at the taste of the strong alcohol. After a few quiet moments Buffy spoke.

"Spike I am so glad you are back" she said shakily. Her eyes were filled with tears when he turned to look at her properly.

"Me too, luv!" he replied pulling her close to him. He really hated to see her cry.

She put her head onto his shoulder and relaxed in his embrace. Spike was in heaven. He was starting to worry that he would never get to be close to her again. Buffy felt her eyelids feeling heavy. She knew that she should probably go up to her bed and say goodnight to Spike but she was just so comfortable. That was her last thought before sleep enveloped her and it was not long before Spike joined her in slumber.

To be continued ..

**Hope you enjoyed this. Please leave a review. Thanks for reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffy or Angel verse but I like to play in it!**

**Chapter Five**

When Dawn awoke the next morning she was surprised to see her sister and Spike entwined on the sofa. She smiled broadly and then coughed loudly to get their attention. Both Buffy and Spike jumped with fright. Both vampire and slayer awkwardly extricated themselves from the sofa. Buffy had a good night's sleep despite the crick in her neck but she knew there was a reason why she had not wanted the previous night to end. She could not shake the feeling that things were going to go wrong. Spike also shared her ominous feeling. The previous night had been a brief respite from the drama that was their relationship. The night they had spent asleep in each other's embrace had been sweet. However in the light of the morning their close proximity did not seem right. They had too much to work out and discuss before things between them could be right between them again. A loud snort interrupted their musings.

"You two are just too cute! I wish I had my camera" Dawn grinned.

"I am not cute." Spike protested with horror at the insinuation.

"Yep you are the Big Bad, blah blah!" Dawn mocked, "Bed hair looks good on you by the way."

Spike consciously played with the curls that were beginning to show on his tousled head while Dawn caught her sister's eye.

"Ignore her Spike! I know I do!" Buffy said patting the embarrassed vampire on the arm.

Suddenly there was a familiar piercing yell from the other side of the room.

"Spike!"

They turned to look in the direction of the familiar voice and saw Andrew Wells with a big beam on his face.

"Here we go again" Spike muttered so only Buffy could hear.

"Gandalf the White has returned" Andrew declared much to Spike's chagrin.

Andrew threw his arms around a reluctant and discomfited Spike much to the amusement of the two sisters.

"Andrew" Spike acknowledged.

Buffy's expression had changed from mirth to resentment and she turned on Andrew.

"Spike told me you visited him out in LA and you never bothered to let me know."

Her eyes narrowed in anger and the young quailed at the sight of her righteous fury.

"Hey Slayer you know I told the boy to keep quiet!" Spike pointed out putting his hand on her arm. She shook it off.

"Don't you interfere Spike. I am stilled pissed at you by the way" she snapped at the vampire. He held his hands out in surrender while Buffy rounded on Andrew again.

"Don't ever keep something so important from me again!" she said menacingly.

Buffy stormed out of the room leaving silence in her wake.

"She is not a morning person" Dawn said drily finally breaking the silence.

Once Buffy got to the sanctuary of her room she threw herself down on the bed. Andrew's appearance had finally burst the bubble of that perfect night. She was reminded yet again of the pain of the last year when she had no idea that Spike was running around the place with Angel. Despite the truce of the night before, she was not through being angry with Spike yet. They had a lot to talk about and she was not sure if was ready. She was also reminded that she had to go into work today and face Giles and Willow. Buffy was not too worried about Willow's reaction but her former Watcher was sure to be furious. Her relationship with Giles since his attempt to get Spike killed had not been the same but it was a lot better now than it had been the last few days on the Hellmouth. Buffy took a deep breath and pulled off her dirty clothes and headed to her shower.

Spike was nervous. The night before had been like a nice dream but he knew they had been simply delaying the inevitable. They clearly still had a lot of talking to do and her friends also would be yet another breaking point. The Watcher would surely be unwelcoming and he was unsure as to how Red would react. Still he had been pleasantly surprised by Harris so maybe he would be again. Spike sighed. Andrew was still talking a mile a minute but Spike was not listening. Dawn could see that Spike was distracted and why.

"Andy you had better get moving if you want to get to that meeting with Giles"

Andrew suddenly stood up straight.

"Oh yes if you will excuse me Spike, I have a very important meeting to attend" he said importantly.

Spike caught Dawn's eye silently thanking her. Spike got up and headed up the stairs trying to figure out which room belonged to Buffy. He sniffed the air and quickly identified which room Buffy was currently occupying. He smirked to himself. Vampire senses were terribly handy he mused only to find that the room in question ironically bore the sign "Buffy's room". He rolled his eyes and knocked softly on the door.

"Buffy" he said quietly.

"One moment Spike. I am getting dressed" she called out.

"Nothing I have not seen before Slayer" he pointed out but he waited as she asked.

Buffy opened the door to let him in. He looked around the Slayer's room.

"Sorry for snapping earlier" Buffy said apologetically.

"No matter pet. I probably deserved it" he conceded.

"Well yeah you really did but I do not want to go into that conversation right now" she said, "Can you stay here and we can talk then as I really need to get to work."

"Don't see I have much choice, luv" he said gesturing towards the curtained window"

"Not that it ever stopped you before" she replied. He shrugged.

"Don't know this place as well as Sunnyhell"

"I guess you don't" Buffy laughed hollowly, "That is sorted then. No adventures for Spike today. Buffy can't yell at dust in the wind after all."

"Might be a better end than a Slayer's wrath" Spike quipped.

He immediately knew he had said the wrong thing.

"Don't even joke about that!" she said heatedly.

"Sorry luv. It was just a joke. Besides you were the one that brought it up."

"Some joke!" she scoffed, "is that what you were thinking when I was clueless."

He winced as if she had slapped him. She knew she was being unreasonable but she could not help herself. He considered her for a moment tilting his head to side. He shook his head in exasperation.

"I am not even going to answer that. You are looking to pick a fight and as usual it's a round of Kick-the –Spike. Yes I am a jackass. That has been covered already. I am not your punch bag any longer and when you are through being a bitch we need to talk proper like."

Spike turned to leave the room as he could tell that Buffy was about to explode.

"Did you just call me a bitch?" Buffy asked incredulously.

"Yes your ears did not deceive you and you are acting like a bitch. I know you Buffy and while you are pissed at me, you are also worried about your precious do good friends."

"How can you say that? Back in Sunnydale I chose you over all of them and you still think I am afraid to go against them."

"Funny isn't it?"

She really hated the fact that he could read her so well and that he had a point. Buffy's irritation died down. How could he do that? She could tell that he was also worried about the reaction of the Scoobies. He had killed thousands but yet here he stood looking vulnerable. They did not have time to go into everything now but despite her reticence regarding emotions she felt obliged to give him something before she went to work.

"Spike you were never my dirty little secret" Buffy began shyly.

Spike raised his brow ironically.

"Sorry I guess you kinda were" she admitted, "but what I mean is that you were important to me back then after I was brought back. I could not have got through it without you. I want you to know that."

Spike's heart lightened with Buffy's words. He was momentarily stuck for words.

"Thanks" he said simply.

"Guess I had better be off then" Buffy said with a forced cheerfulness that she did not feel.

"Buffy you don't have to tell them yet if you do not want to" the vampire offered, " I sort of liked being your dirty little secret."

Buffy smiled and kissed him chastely on the cheek.

"I want to but thank you" she whispered.

Buffy and Spike left the room in a much better frame of mind then they entered the room in. Spike was surprised to see that Andrew had not left yet. Obviously the boy was too nosy for his own good. Andrew looked at Spike and then turned to look at Buffy and grinned even wider if possible.

"It is just so romantic." Andrew said teary eyed, "The vampyr and the slayer reunited despite all the odds. They can be together, get married and have babies. I would be best man, right!"

The other three were looking on incredulously at a clueless Andrew, who was waxing lyrical.

"Yes I think they would make beautiful babies" he declared.

"Don't be stupid boy, vampire here and I can't have.." Spike interrupted impatiently.

"Oh my bad. Wow did your soul come with a curse like Angel or are you just not able to perform?"

"What! No!" Spike spluttered, his male pride abashed. Buffy and Dawn were in tears with laughter. Spike's face was a picture. He turned helplessly to the sisters.

"Help me out Slayer!" Spike pleaded. Buffy stayed quiet but Dawn obliged taking pity on the vampire.

"He means vampires can't have children not that he can't have sex" Dawn explained.

"Yes I happen to have had no complaints" Spike said indignantly.

"Mmm fun times" Buffy murmured but until she spotted Spike with a huge smile that she realised she had spoken aloud.

"Oh I bet!" Andrew said suggestively.

Spike did not like the look that Andrew was giving him.

"Well Andrew I am off the Slayer Central now if you want to come with" Buffy said to the young man.

Today Buffy resolved that she was not going to make sure everything was out in the open this time. She did not want Spike to be her dirty little secret. She still was not fully sure exactly what she wanted him to be and what was possible with their complicated history. She was sure of one thing though. She could not bear to lose him again and her friends if they truly loved her would respect her decision.

**To be continued..**

**Author's Note: I feel like I am milking the hell of this but bear with me as I am almost done. Thank you so much for reading and please review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel! I just take them for spin but always give them back. **

**Authors note: I have not read the Season 8 comics so I do not consider them canon. Having said that I have heard a few things about them through other fanfic.**

**Chapter Six**

Buffy finally reached Slayer Central with Andrew trailing after her all the way. His fascination with Spike was bordering on obsession and it took all her strength not to snap. What was more unsettling was that she felt like she should tell him to back off and that Spike was hers. She shrugged off the impulse. Spike was not gay but then again vampires were known for swinging every way. She laughed as soon as this thought quickly passed. Even if he was Andrew was no competition after all. She was soon musing again realising that she had referred to Spike as hers. Wow when did that happen. Yes she had told him her was her champion before but never _hers_. Buffy was still considering her relationship with Spike as they arrived in the door. Andrew took off in the direction of Giles' office while Buffy was waylaid by some of her charges enquiring after her health. After assuring Satsu and Bianca that she was well rested, she walked quickly in the direction of her Watcher's haven. "I swear if Andrew has told Giles about Spike I will kill him" she thought.

Meanwhile back at the Summers' residence Spike and Dawn were deep in conversation.

"So you two looked pretty cosy this morning" Dawn probed.

"Nothing happened, not that it is any of your business, you nosy bint" Spike replied in a light tone.

"I am worried about her, Spike. She has not been the same since that day" the teenager said seriously.

Spike met her worried eyes.

"Losing your home and town is bound to do that to you. You are not the same either" Spike pointed out. She bristled at that.

"It was losing you" Dawn said impatiently, "You are just unwilling to accept that as you feel guilt for not letting us know you were back."

"I know I should have now but then I did what I thought was best. I do not regret wanting the best for my girls."

Dawn's irritation melted a little at that but she made sure her face did not give that away.

"You still have a lot of grovelling to do by the way" Dawn said with a childish pout.

"Hot chocolate and those little marshmallow things?" he offered with a grin.

"You betcha. I could with some chocolaty goodness."

Buffy finally caught up to Andrew in Giles office and was surprised to see that Willow was there as well. Andrew was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. Both Willow and Giles turned to look at Buffy. Giles had a concerned look upon his face.

"Andrew says that you have something to tell us" her Watcher prompted. Buffy took a deep breath in order to gather up the courage to tell them about Spike. She need not have bothered though.

"Spike is back and living in Buffy's house" Andrew announced in a rush.

The young man had a wide grin on his face and Buffy gave him a hard stare.

"Good heavens! Spike is here!" Giles exclaimed and just as Buffy predicted he took off his glasses and polished them furiously.

"Wow Spike back from the dead! How?" Willow demanded.

"Two nights ago Spike turned up on my doorstep" Buffy began, "It turns out he was brought back due to the amulet that Angel brought us from LA".

"Do you think Spike would be amenable to telling me a little about his experiences?" Giles asked.

"I guess you would have to ask him yourself" Buffy replied. She gave them the condensed version of Spike's story. The story was not hers to tell after all.

"Good Lord" Giles muttered finally when she finished.

Willow threw her arms around Buffy and both women's eyes were wet. They held each other for a few moments. Giles coughed politely. The women pulled apart much to Giles' relief. He was always ill at ease with emotional displays.

"And Spike's living in your house now?" Willow finally asked.

Buffy rolled her eyes and glowered at Andrew again.

"Spike is not living in my house"

"He stayed there last night" Andrew said petulantly.

Giles started cleaning his glasses again. He caught Willow's eye and they exchanged a worried glance.

"Buffy are you sure this is a good idea?" Giles asked.

"Spike and I are not sleeping together. We just fell asleep together. I mean it was completely innocent."

"She doth protest too much" Andrew smirked.

"You will get out and go annoy somebody else someplace else!" Buffy roared.

"Giles" he whined.

"Andrew, just go." Giles said impatiently and Andrew huffed but obeyed the older man. Buffy waited until she heard his furious steps could no longer be heard.

"I do not know what is going to happen with Spike and me" Buffy said honestly, "All I know is that I want him to be part of my life".

"You know I am glad that he is back Buffy but your relationship was never healthy" Willow said.

"It was not even a relationship" Buffy laughed hollowly.

"Exactly.." Giles began. Buffy held her hand up to cut him short.

"I am no longer a child. I am an adult who can make her own decisions. I appreciate your concern but any decision regarding my future can only be made by me."

Giles looked sadly at the girl that was practically a daughter to him. That vampire would be the death of him. He knew that Spike loved her. That was clear but he would never be good enough for her.

"I am supposed to have a training class" Buffy said looking at her watch.

"I will walk with you" Willow offered and took her arm.

"He means well you know and we are just worried about you" Willow continued as soon as they were clear of Giles' hearing.

Buffy smiled reassuringly at her worried friend.

"I know Wills but.."

"you love him." Willow said with certain understanding.

"I think so" Buffy whispered and Willow squeezed her hand.

"Be careful" Willow said but Buffy knew that her friend accepted it and it meant a lot.

"I wonder how Buffy's interrogation is going? She was very nervous about it earlier"

Dawn mused.

"I told her she could leave it a little longer if she wanted" Spike said.

"Like she would have been able to keep that quiet with Andrew" Dawn laughed.

"He kept the secret pretty well so far" Spike pointed out.

Dawn snorted and shook her head in disbelief.

"There is no way that Andrew would have been able to keep his mouth shut without spilling to somebody and my money is on Giles".

Spike was about to protest that surely Giles would not have kept that from Buffy but when he thought about it Dawn's assertion seemed likely. When he had asked Andrew to keep quiet he had not really believed that he would. Both Giles and he had wanted to do what they felt was best for Buffy. He could not really hold that against him when he had done the same and he was more at fault.

"That makes sense, Bit," Spike said finally, "do you think Buffy knows?"

Dawn shook her head.

"I expect she soon will. Either Giles or Andrew will slip up. We are keeping quiet though in case we are wrong."

After Buffy was done for the day, she decided to head and see Giles. She hated fighting with him. As she neared the office she could hear the sound of voices coming from within. She was about to walk away when she heard Andrew's voice.

"It is only Andrew so it can't be anything very important" she thought. She raised her hand to knock on the door when something Andrew said caused her to gasp.

"Buffy's angry at me and it is not fair, Giles!" Andrew griped, "after all you knew about Spike being back too."

"You can rest assured that Buffy is angry at me already" Giles said irritated.

Buffy felt betrayed. It was one thing for Spike not to tell her but for Giles to actively keep it from her was worse. She flung open the door. The handle came off in her hand as she had been gripping it so tight. Andrew and Giles looked at the Slayer in shock.

"Yes I was already angry with you" she said addressing Giles, "now I am furious."

She turned to Andrew and he whimpered before she could say a word and fled out the door. She faced her old Watcher again.

"How could you not tell me?" Buffy asked coldly.

"It was Spike's decision. He asked Andrew not to tell you and when he told me of Spike's return I decided to honour his wishes."

"Since when have you ever worried about Spike's wishes?" Buffy scoffed.

"You are right Buffy" he conceded "but I only did what I felt was in your interest in keeping this from you and if Spike had chosen before now to reveal his return I would not have done anything to prevent it."

"Don't make me choose between you? I chose him once and I would do it again."

"I know" he said gently, "I am not asking you to choose, just to reconsider. You managed to get by well enough these past months without him and well he survived without you all this time."

"I already told you once today that I want him to be part of my life. It took losing him to see just how important he is to me."

"Buffy I am sorry for hurting you but I only wanted the best for you."

"I can understand why he did what he did" she said quietly, "I may be good at keeping my feelings locked away but you could see I was hurting and you knew why. You knew he was back and yet you never said a word."

Giles knew there was nothing he could say. She was right but he knew that any relationship between Spike and Buffy could only end in heartbreak. Buffy could feel the tears threatening to come and do she turned and ran out the door.

"Buffy" she vaguely heard Giles calling. She ignored him and dashed through the building. All in her path quickly scampered out of her way and soon she was out the door of the building. She stopped for a minute by the tree at the entrance to catch her breath and compose herself. Tears were still threatening to fall and so the Slayer took off at full speed yet again. This time she did not stop until she arrived at her front door and when she opened the door she walked straight into a hard chest. Spike took the distraught woman into his arms. It was only then that Buffy let herself go and cried.

**To be continued...**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I am almost done now. Just one more chapter to go but I have an idea for a sequel.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not Buffy, Spike or the world of BTVS but time to time when Joss is not looking I steal them away for my nefarious purposes.**

_This is the final chapter. "Finally" I can hear you say and the only excuse I have is serious writers block and real life intruding. This one is a bit longer than normal ._

**Chapter Seven**

Buffy did not spend long crying in Spike's arms. She had been tearing up too much these last few days and Spike had seen enough of her red rimmed eyes. She quickly pulled away once she managed to compose herself. Her movement was so sudden that Spike was startled.

"Are you ok now, love?" he asked tentatively, afraid of overstepping his bounds as she had been so quick to pull away.

"Yeah thanks, Spike" she smiled gratefully at him.

Spike was just relieved that she was not pushing him away as she was wont to do.

"Do you want to talk about it, pet?" he asked.

"It seems Giles and Andrew had been comparing notes regarding Andy's trip to Wolfram and Hart. Giles was under the impression that he was acting for the best. Just like you in fact."

She could not resist that last dig. Spike flinched just as she intended and she smirked satisfied. As she examined the vampire's face it occurred to her that he did not seem all that surprised by the revelation.

"Why are you not surprised?" she grilled him.

Her eyes were narrowing and Spike knew there was no point lying. Buffy could always tell or maybe he was just rubbish at lying.

"I did not know exactly" he began, "but today I was thinking about how the boy could possibly keep all that that secret without spilling his guts to someone."

He deliberately left out Dawn's part. He may not be much good at telling lies but lying by omission was another thing. She gave him a searching look but she left the topic be for the time being. The vampire was grateful for the reprieve.

Later that afternoon, Spike gazed out the window into the darkening sky. He realised that he had better be going back to his hotel soon if he wanted to make sure he had a place to stay for the next few nights. He had only paid up until the following day after all. He was reluctant to leave though. Spike and Buffy were sitting comfortably in front of the television when Buffy's cell phone rang. Buffy pulled it out of her jeans pocket knowing it was likely to be either Willow or Giles. Sure enough the name Willow appeared on the screen and Buffy decided to ignore it and let it go to voicemail.

"Are you going to answer that, love?" Spike inquired.

"Obviously not" she said rolling her eyes, "but that reminds me."

She got up and grabbed a piece of paper from a drawer and scribbled something on it.

Spike raised his eyebrow quizzically as she walked over waving the piece of paper.

"Did you write me a love letter, Slayer?" he grinned.

Buffy feigned a long suffering sigh and handed him the piece of paper.

"Not exactly a love letter" she said, "I just realised I never gave you my phone number."

"I'll write your number in my little black book" he said pompously, "Well actually it is not so little. I guess I am just popular with the ladies."

"Spike, you are so full of it" she laughed.

He winked in response and pulled out a small black cell phone and dialled the number on the paper. Buffy's phone rang twice and cut off.

"Now you have mine."

Buffy smiled widely at Spike. He was glad to see that she seemed to have cheered significantly. He hated to see her in pain. The front door burst open and brought Spike out of reverie.

"Hey guys" Dawn called out. She was carrying what appeared to be take out and she placed the bags on the table

"Hello Bit" Spike said.

Dawn quickly noted the close proximity in which her sister and her friend were and smiled apologetically.

"I did not interrupt anything did I?" she asked.

"No you didn't" Buffy assured her.

"Honestly" Spike added when Dawn remained unconvinced.

"You brought dinner?" Buffy asked changing the subject.

"Yep" Dawn chirped happily, " I also rented some dvds from the video store. I thought we could have a movie night."

"Sounds good to me" Spike declared and Buffy nodded as well.

"There is just one thing. Can I please invite Xander? " Dawn begged. She was feeling a bit like a third wheel and would feel much better with somebody else there.

Buffy looked at Spike but he was showing no sign of discomfort.

"I don't see why not" Buffy answered. Dawn turned unexpectedly to Spike.

"Don't need my permission. It is your house and not mine!" Spike pointed out.

"Well you and Xander are not exactly best pals " Dawn explained.

"I might not like him but I think I can cope with his company of an evening if it makes my girls happy"

Dawn threw her arms around him happily.

"Come on let's eat before the food goes cold" Spike said a little gruffly once Dawn let go of him.

After they finished dinner Dawn announced that she was going to head out for a little while and would drop in on Xander on her way back. Buffy and Spike were left alone once more. Buffy decided that now was the time for her to get some of her feelings off her chest. She turned to the vampire with an earnest expression.

"Listen Spike, for once I want to be open Buffy and I am a little scared so don't you dare interrupt me" Buffy began unable to meet the vampire's eyes.

Spike nodded equally terrified. This was new territory for them both after all. While Buffy was still avoiding his eyes she took his hand into hers trying to impart the sincerity of what she was about to say.

"That year after I died you were the only one that let me just be myself and I think we could have been good friends then if we didn't..."

"shag each other's brains out." Spike finished with a bitter smirk.

"Yeah" she affirmed softly, "That is when things got real bad but when you came back from Africa all souled up I knew I had been wrong about you."

"Buffy.." Spike began.

"Sssh no interrupting. Buffy talk and Spike listen " she said punching his arm playfully. She met his eyes for the first time since she began the conversation.

"You are special and not an evil thing. Our connection that year was the only reason I was strong enough to get through it all. I want that friendship back. Do you think we could be friends again?"

"We are friends" he said squeezing her hand but she could see that he was clearly affected by her words.

"Did we just have a conversation about feelings?" Buffy asked a little hysterically.

"I think so" Spike replied, his voice hoarse with emotion.

"You are not off the hook yet mister" she reminded him.

To his horror Spike felt a lump in his throat. Buffy had never been this open about her feelings before. They both just sat there in silence for a few minutes. Unlike the comfortable silence they had experienced the night before this was more oppressive.

"I had better go back to my hotel and pay up for the next few days before they give my room away. I will be back in a bit."

"Do you want me to come with?" Buffy asked.

"Nah, love. I need a smoke and besides I won't be long"

Spike headed towards the door but Buffy called him back. He turned around and she was right beside him.

"What I said in the Hellmouth.." she began.

Spike immediately raised his hand in a gesture to stop her.

"Please Buffy don't" he pleaded.

She ignored his protests.

"I meant what I said that day. Maybe I was not in love with you like you were with me but I think I could have been in time and perhaps I still could be."

"Buffy don't say things you do not mean. It is not fair" he said softly.

"Dammit Spike. I am not giving you a cookie dough speech or trying to placate you. I am trying to be honest about how I feel"

"Cookie dough?" Spike asked in spite of himself.

"Never mind" Buffy snapped and turned punching the wall in frustration.

There a big dent in the wall she had smashed her fist through. Spike grabbed her hand and examined it carefully.

"What the hell do you think you are doing, Slayer?" he snarled once he established that her hand was uninjured.

"Trying not to punch you" she retorted pulling her hand from his grasp.

Spike just stared at her for a moment and despite his irritation began to laugh. Buffy's lips began to quirk and soon they were both bursting with laughter. When they recovered Buffy was relieved that Spike's eyes were still dancing with amusement.

"See I am a new Buffy" she quipped.

"So I see" he replied.

"Yet it is strange you are still the same dumbass vampire"

"Guilty as charged" he admitted.

"So Mr William the Bloody will you let me finish what I was saying?" she asked trying to keep her tone light hearted.

He took a deep breath. "Go ahead. I am listening."

"You drive me crazy! You are an ass, insensitive and rude. I could go on ... Still for some reason I missed you even the smell of your stinky cigarettes. I just need to tell you how I feel. I never thought I would get the chance. However first I want to get to know you again as friends again. I honestly do not know if we could be anything more what with our history and baggage. We certainly are not ready yet but I would like to think that there is hope for us someday."

"Buffy I don't know what to say" Spike confessed.

"Then don't say anything" Buffy whispered, "I just needed to tell you."

Spike leaned over and kissed her tenderly on the forehead.

"I still love you, Buffy Summers" he declared.

"Please don't think I am asking you to wait for me" she insisted, "I want you to be happy even if it is with somebody else."

He looked at her in awe. Buffy truly was an amazing woman. They stood there in silence for a few moments just looking at each other and smiling.

"So no naughty touching! Do you think you can handle that?" Buffy challenged him finally breaking the silence.

"The question is can you" Spike replied his eyebrows dancing suggestively.

Buffy slapped him on the arm.

"See you are unable to keep your hands off me!" he joked as he headed out the door. Buffy watched as he headed off in the distance.

About a half an hour later Dawn arrived back home along with Xander. Spike still had not returned.

"Hey Buff" Xander said, "where is the Bleached Wonder?"

"Out" Buffy announced. She noticed the crestfallen look on her little sister's face at her words and laughed.

"Relax, Dawnie. He had to go back to his hotel to pay for a couple of extra days. He will back soon"

"Do not call me Dawnie. I am not a kid anymore"

The slayer ignored her sister's glares while Xander laughed nervously.

Just then Buffy heard music coming from somewhere in the sitting room. Buffy excused herself and went into the sitting room. It took her a moment to realise that the sound of Sid Vicious was coming from Spike's cell phone which must have fallen down the side of the sofa. She picked it up and pressed it her ear.

"Hello, Spike's phone" chirped Buffy.

"Who are you?" a female voice on the line demanded.

Buffy was taken aback at being addressed like that and wondered jealously who this woman was.

"Buffy, Spike's old friend and who the hell are you?" she snapped.

"I do not answer to a low being like yourself but for now I will humour you. I am Illyria, God-King and one of the Old Ones. Now get my pet. I wish to speak to him now."

"Your pet?" Buffy asked incredulously.

"Yes the white headed vampire is my pet and I wish to speak to him right away."

"That would be kind of hard as he is not here right now but I will pass on the message"

The phone suddenly cut off.

"How rude" she thought and vowed to find out some more about this Illyria later when Spike returned. She returned to her sister and Xander who were busy helping themselves in the kitchen.

It was another hour before Spike returned and Buffy, Dawn and Xander were halfway through a board game.

"Hi all" he greeted them. To his surprise Xander stood and shook his hand.

"Thanks" Spike said quietly so that only Xander could hear. Xander knew Spike was thanking him for providing him with the impetus to come clean to Buffy. Buffy and Dawn watched with delight and astonishment.

"Don't get used to it" Spike said bluntly to the girls who were still grinning.

"Just so you know I still don't like you" Xander said to the vampire.

"Ditto" replied the vampire.

"You took your time" Buffy said but there was no accusation in her words.

"Took a little longer than I expected and then bumped into some vamps on the way back" he explained.

He picked up the bunch of movie rentals that Dawn had picked up. He looked more and more downcast with each one.

"Harris please help a bloke out here. The chits are looking to watch chick flick. I am in need of a bit of male solidarity, mate"

"Spike you love Passions for goodness sake" Dawn protested, "You are a total softie when it comes to romantic movies. Besides Brad Pitt is hot."

"I am not watching a movie with Brad Pitt in it" Spike said crossing his arms.

"You don't still have a grudge against him for starring in "Interview with the Vampire"?" Buffy laughed.

Spike opened his mouth furiously when Xander interrupted.

"As much as I enjoy watching Spike being humiliated I do not want to watch Brad Pitt either."

Spike looked smug as Xander came over and rifled through the dvds. After much deliberation and argument eventually the four decided on what to watch. The night passed pleasantly and it was not until the film was almost over that Buffy remembered about the phone call earlier.

"Oh I meant to tell you that you got a phone call while you were out. Someone by the name of Illyria"

Spike looked at her in confusion.

"Blue called me. That can't be anything good. Something must be wrong in LA. I better call Peaches" Spike said worriedly.

"Watch the rest of the film" Buffy insisted, "it can wait till morning. Besides if it was that important they would have called again."

Spike looked down at Buffy who was resting her head comfortably on his shoulder and decided she was right. He was here with Buffy and things were looking up for once. What she had told him earlier had made him deliriously happy. She had not made any promises but she had let him in. Buffy wanted him around and she had admitted there was a chance for them. For the first time in a long while Spike held hope for the future.

**The End**

End note:

I know I am very mean but I feel that Spike and Buffy have a lot to work through before they could work romantically which is why it did not feel right for them to jump into a relationship just yet. However the good news is this is not the last you will see of this universe. I have a sequel planned. If you have not already reviewed please leave a review. Constructive criticism is always welcome.


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